you guys were way drunker than both of me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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