some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
