i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
