I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
