Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Farmville is her only friend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
