I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
