the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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