i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
