No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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