he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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