so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize