If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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