Soap is not a condiment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
