Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wrigley field is MILF paradise
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
