We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
