I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Are my feet made of real feet?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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