Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
