it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
