I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
