The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
