But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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