I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
no you cant smoke seaweed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
