So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
