You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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