i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
