I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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