White coat. Heels.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize