He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
