how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
