I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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