i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
