Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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