apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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