so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
