i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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