She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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