Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize