i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
