I just saw a hot homeless man
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
