you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize