Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize