So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
