i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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