I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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