Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
