I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't deserve a penis
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
