Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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