great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
