My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
