Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
