Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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