i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
