I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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