saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
