I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
