I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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