Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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