With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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