I'm going to jail i love you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
