I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
