He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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