i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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