Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize