i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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